Narcissim and How To Deal With It

Narcissism and How To Deal With This

Narcissism is an increasingly common feature. It is estimated that 6.2% of the population suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder, but the figure increases if we refer only to narcissism as a marked personality character. Dealing with a narcissist is often complicated because this person can become very self-centered, selfish and manipulative.

The problem is that the narcissist has an exaggerated selfish perception, tends to be presumptuous and often believes he is superior, thinks that others should appreciate it and get angry if they don't. Hence, people who have a narcissistic partner or parent end up maintaining a toxic relationship in which only they surrender and sacrifice while the other receives and asks for more and more.

 How to recognize a narcissist?

·        He continually criticizes others for thinking that they are inferior. Narcissists believe they are superior to others, so they continually underestimate the work and effort of others to put themselves in a better position.

·        He thinks the world revolves around him, because he has too egocentric a perspective on life. This person focuses on their needs and desires so often they are very insensitive to others and will always try to be the center of attention.

·        At first it may seem fascinating because it usually has a seductive personality and inspires confidence, attracting people, until it turns out that in reality it is a very selfish person.

·        He thinks he is right and knows the "truth": therefore he often develops an attitude of intellectual superiority that becomes very uncomfortable.

·        He has an uncompromising attitude: he is almost never willing to give in to the requests and needs of others, especially if it implies that he must make a personal concession.

·        He does not know the word "humility": he often has goals so high that they are irrational.

·        He prides himself on himself, his skills, profession or lifestyle. Narcissists try to show others that they are the best in everything.

·        He does not accept criticism and can react very aggressively when he feels attacked.

Fortunately, "born" narcissists are often easy to spot, but there are also what we might call "masked narcissists", who at first glance seem humble, innocent and charitable. Under the "sensitive" mask hides the contempt and a sense of superiority that are much more difficult to detect, therefore dealing with these narcissists are often more complicated because suddenly you become victims of his games.

However, both types of narcissistic personalities share the same profile as a psychological stalker. The goal is to despise, humiliate and reduce his victims, who end up submitting to his psychological violence that makes them emotionally disabled.

To know how to treat a narcissist it is essential to have a thorough knowledge of his manipulation techniques.

The narcissus mixes humiliation, duality and code language. When a narcissist feels his intelligence threatened, his success or his personal appearance attacks the other without hesitation. His goal is to drop the victim off the pedestal. He can do this through a compliment followed by an emotional slap or vice versa. For example, he can tell us that we do something good and immediately afterwards we do something else wrong by making us feel bad.

He can also resort to sarcasm to his compliments as if we didn't deserve them. Obviously, criticisms will always be directed to one of our sensitive points. With this strategy, the narcissist makes his attack appear as a legitimate truth, forcing the victim to approve and validate his idea. If we don't and react against him, he will immediately become the victim and we will be the "bad guys".

This technique is known as "gaslighting" and is based on a series of subtle mental games that touch on ambiguity, to undermine the victim's confidence in the perception of his own reality and of himself. As a result of this strategy, the victim is often confused and doesn't quite understand what happened.

The problem is that gradually these hidden humiliations, coded messages and ambiguous comments are integrated into a deformed reality with which the narcissist dominates his victim.

How To Deal With A Narcissist?

Keep your emotions in check: When narcissists criticize you, try not to react because the more you commit yourself emotionally, the more you will be at their mercy, because they will understand what your weak point is and they will not hesitate to attack that point again in the future. If the narcissist says something using coded language, throws indirect threats or tries to distort reality, ask him to be more precise because you cannot understand what he is saying. In this way, you will defeat his strategy of indirect submission and humiliation.

Seize its ambiguities: Anyone with a narcissistic personality will do everything possible to humiliate his victim, but without this noticing, at least at the beginning. The result of these manipulation tactics is that you can feel that you are walking all the time on a minefield and this creates a lot of tension. Narcissists can make a sour comment about your way of being and immediately soften the blow by saying something sweet about you. This ambiguity has a specific goal: make sure you focus on your behaviors and "flaws" instead of analyzing them, which is the real problem. In fact, you will notice that the narcissist suddenly changes the subject when a weak point is touched. When you reprimand him something will say sentences like "I don't want to talk to you" or "It's not worth talking about". The truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because the narcissist will never be satisfied and unwilling to take responsibility. It is essential to remain faithful to what you think and feel, observing your behavioral models from an objective and detached point of view. Don't stay with words but watch for behavior. If it is necessary to clarify a point, do not fall into emotional discussions, stick to the facts and do not allow the narcissist to digress. Brings the discussion back to the main topic.

Identify his narrow "tunnel vision": it is a strategy that narcissists use to focus on some details that are irrelevant or not directly related to the problem to minimize something you have pointed out or to fulfill their responsibility. For example, if you have just finished a job, the narcissist congratulates you and asks you when to do the next one. Minimize the results to make yourself sick by highlighting what you are missing or the negative side of what you have already achieved. With this strategy, the narcissist simply limits your field of vision so that you only see what he wants to emphasize. It is a very subtle technique that can generate deep dissatisfaction in the victim, which can be successful in many things but will continue to think that he is incapable of anything. Don't get carried away in his limited vision. Enjoy what you've accomplished and emphasize the effort and skills you need. Don't listen when he wants to downplay your results or blame you for something you haven't done or "perfectly" done. You can also reveal it, tell him that his criticism seems excessive and you feel no need to impress others. If you say that you feel sorry for his opinion but that you do not share it and he will see you satisfied with what you have accomplished, he will understand that he cannot emotionally manipulate your. Remember that no discussion is necessary to deal with a narcissist without losing emotional balance; just let him know that his opinions and attitudes cannot break through you. When the narcissist realizes that you have high self-esteem, he will stop throwing poisoned arrows because, after all, what he wants is only to establish an emotional domain. When he realizes that he won't be able to have it on you, he will gradually start to change his attitude.

If he is an important person to you, you can try to deal with the problem so that he can understand that his attitudes and behaviors are not appropriate. Remember that there is never a single culprit in a relationship since relationships are built in two. Therefore avoid attacking and complaining. Instead, tell him that his attitudes and words hurt you. Sometimes narcissism is a way to protect yourself from the world, which seems hostile, so to alleviate these behaviors it is only necessary to demonstrate that we love and appreciate it, but that there are limits that must not be overcome.