Friendship Facts

Friendship: 9 clues that distinguish good friends

What we mean by friendship varies from person to person. Especially since there are different types of friendships:

• Loose friendships
• Best friends (modern also BFF s - Best friends forever )
• Special purpose communities ( temporary ) 
• Friendship plus (here comes sex, also abbreviated as " F + " or friends with benefits )

Even researchers are struggling with a definition to this day. The philosopher Aristotle once called friendship "one soul in two bodies". It is pretty good.

Friendship could also be defined as a voluntary, personal relationship based on mutual sympathy , trust , selflessness and support. However, this is also not entirely clear.

Good to know: the terms friendship and kinship were even used synonymously until the 17th century. This original meaning has been preserved in some dialects to this day. The same can be said for the term blood friendship , which originally also means kinship.

At least one thing is certain: the desire for friends is innate to us. Friendships are formed already in childhood , when playing in the sandpit with the "favorite playmate" or on vacation. Others later in puberty doing sports or at school. Still other friendships arise as adults from study and professional contacts.  The friendships that remain with us often develop into an intimate connection - and are thus the beginning of something wonderful that has accompanied us for a lifetime: deep friendship and familiarity. Because these people know our true self.  It is not uncommon for a friendship like this to last longer than the relationship with our life or spouse . No wonder: If you have friends , you can be shown  to be happier, happier, more balanced - even healthier.

Unfortunately, we often only recognize a true friendship in emergencies - when we really need it. Fortunately, there are a few verifiable indications beforehand as to whether our acquaintances and contacts are real or false friends . A total of nine of these signs can be found in the following (striking) graphics. Admittedly, these are sometimes high demands . Friendship must therefore endure that these cannot always be fulfilled at all times. We should be able to go through “thick and thin” with our friends. But sometimes it just doesn't work. Friends are also just people - with mistakes, weaknesses and shortcomings.

Friendships begin: How friends become friends

How do friendships develop? And when do we call a friend "friend"?

The questions have already been asked by scientists, psychologists and sociologists: 

1. It takes at least 50 hours together to become a "friend" and a "friend". 
2. Another 90 hours are necessary to change from a "friend" to a "good friend".
3. And it takes a whole 200 hours to get together so that they become “best friends”.
4. But the most important result was that spending time together was crucial.

The internet and social media such as Facebook, Instagram or Youtube have made it easier to meet new people. Online chats or emails have little or no influence on the quality of the friendship. In order for true friendships or best friends to develop from it, we have to spend real and physical time together. Only then does something like kinship develop , sociologists say.

The circle of friendships that deserve this name is correspondingly narrow. Often much smaller than we think !

Just imagine how many people you would call friends ... and now please divide this number by two!

Only about half of the people we count as friends would say the same about us, the research says. "Friendship, as we call it . The proportion of mutual friendships fluctuates regularly between 34 and 53 percent .

 This may also have to do with the fact that the knowledge of a one-sided friendship " scratches our self- image ." 

5 tips on how to make new friends

A friendship does not always survive crises or (spatial) changes. Moving to another city or starting a family can break a friendship. Then you have to find new friends.

However, it is not easy for everyone to find new friends immediately. Some people are naturally shy or reserved and have problems approaching other people and making small talk . So here are five tips for you on how to make new friends (including shy ones):

• Get active

As long as you don't send signals or actively approach other people, nothing happens. Of course, you decide what this activity looks like: If you don't have the courage to do so, you can start by making contacts in the chat. There are enough forums for different interests. No matter whether you like sewing, cooking or want to exchange music.

At some point, however, these contacts should be brought into reality - sharing hobbies with someone who lives 300 kilometers away won't help you much in everyday life.

By the way, dog owners have an advantage here: Often you get to talk about the pet and its quirks. Other options are sport in clubs or VHS courses where you can exchange ideas with others.

• Show interest

At the beginning of a friendship it is about getting to know the other person better. So ask if someone tells you something. The more you know about each other, the sooner you can refer to them later.

In this way, you signal interest in the person you are talking to. Maybe your colleague said at some point that he wanted to buy a new kitchen - a perfect hanger to follow up and maybe even contribute with tips.

Conversely, caution should be exercised when it comes to polarizing issues such as religion, salary, politics - even supposedly harmless topics such as food or child-rearing can prove to be a minefield if you dogmatically advocate your opinion. A fundamental openness to other views is not wrong.

• Be friendly with others

Smile, say hello - preferably by name. This gives others the feeling that they are not only “somehow” perceived, but that they are important to them. Those who appear friendly towards others appear sympathetic and positive. And you prefer to surround yourself with positive, friendly people rather than with grouchy people who don't utter a word.

The important thing here is that you don't have to pretend to someone that you don't feel. You should treat unappealing contemporaries with the required courtesy, but nothing more. On the other hand, those who are exuberantly friendly to someone they don't really like appear hypocritical and untrustworthy.

• Help others

Your friend is moving? A neighbor is desperately looking for a babysitter? The colleague can't look out of sight because of all the work? Such opportunities are ideal for offering his support to others. Those who have previously shown themselves accessible are more likely to be addressed.

Because if your counterpart is not completely blunt, most people feel a natural inhibition when it comes to asking near strangers for a favor. The first step is to show that you are accommodating, because this increases the chances that this person will return the favor.

• Praise the other

When you watch other people, what qualities do you notice about them that you find good? What can you learn from it? There is a positive double effect here: On the one hand, you should give praise to characteristics, skills or behavior in situations that you advocate.

Everyone likes compliments, so this encouragement will make you sympathetic. On the other hand, your nature reflects the behavior of the person whose friendship you want to win if you act similarly. This is how you create common ground that connects. 

False friends: when should it end?

A friendship can be beautiful and fulfilling - unfortunately it can also develop negatively. What connects can also disappear. Regular exchange is important to maintain the basis of trust . But it is not a guarantee of lasting friendship.

Some friendships break down over time. In some cases, interests just change - and you kind of live apart . There is no "official end", the contact simply falls asleep.

In other cases, the end is accompanied by violent arguments, bad words, a feeling of betrayal and disappointment (in the literal sense).

Last but not least, what unites friends is a common code of values . A kind of unwritten law, what they expect from each other and what they rely on. A one-sided (but one-off) break can give a friendship a deep crack. A crack that may never be bridged again.

If someone feels permanently betrayed, the friendship will soon be over. Most would then describe their former companions as " false friends ". Rightly so.

In fact, there are also signals and signs for when it is better to end a friendship and " break up ". For example then ...

•       If you are exploited.

You have often proven your help, helped with moving, comforted (even in the middle of the night), you were there. But now you need support - but no answer: "No time!" "It fits very badly!" , It says succinctly. If this happens more often, you should consider carefully whether give and take are still balanced in this friendship.

•       If you are not supported.

We can only cope with some situations and phases of life with the help of good friends. Fatalities and deaths, for example. Or when the job eats you up, you become unemployed or when the relationship with your partner breaks down. At times like this we want someone who listens to us, gives good advice, consoles, helps. But if you are looking for space in our most difficult days, in times of greatest need and making yourself scarce, you cannot be a friend. Because what distinguishes him from fleeting acquaintances? You can and shouldn't do without good weather friends.

•       If you are cheated.

Probably the worst betrayal is when the boyfriend or girlfriend steals your partner. Or when your own (alleged) friends talk badly about you or even intrigue behind your back. Then it’s like a low blow. We expect - and rightly so - loyalty and honesty from a friendship. If both are missing, you should separate.

•       If you live in constant competition.

Do you know that? Hardly do you tell of a sense of achievement, do you hear a story that somehow tops your thing and puts it in the shade ?! You never have the feeling that your friend is happy with you. It's all about being better yourself. A clear case of resentment . Honestly, do you need someone in your life who only competes with you and wonders who is better?

•       When you become unimportant.

Of course, a friend can also do something different. However, if you are constantly transferred and the other person makes no effort to keep in touch with you or suggests an alternative date, the priorities have obviously shifted. Your friendship is no longer the first priority. A saying modified by Confucius says: What you love, let go. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If it doesn't come back, you never heard it. You can also do without such friendships.

Overall, however, it is worth investing in friends and friendships and maintaining these relationships. Everyone agrees. Because those who have good friends and many friendships can get through life more easily.